Something Old

Hey there!

So lately I've been having trouble with letting the past go and starting anew. I guess this is just because I am afraid of leaving familiar things but nonetheless it's becoming clear to me that this obstacle is something that won't be solved overnight or in the span of a few days. It takes awhile to get rid of old habits and it starts by replacing them with new, healthier routines. 

It's amusing because this is something that happens almost periodically, like the seasons that change from random snow-storms that clog up the roads to sunshine that illuminates the entire province. Letting go of something or someone so easily but then suddenly feeling the desire to get them back again - to try again. But through experience I understand that dwelling in the past only widens that emptiness, reopens that wound. There is nothing worse than pondering the "ifs" and "buts" of situations that have already had their time. Clinging to fantasies of things that could've happened and should've happened - believe me when I write that this brings nothing but more false dreams and discouragement. It's something that I still continue to struggle with to this day and although there is a desire to change, I admit that I have not been trying my hardest. For the sake of those around me I know that I should, in order to break the shell in which I have been encased in for so long. The classic, "caterpillar turning into a butterfly" moment is what I am waiting for and maybe that is the problem. After all this waiting, nothing has changed. Everything is the same because I have not taken the steps to catalyze the change I long for.

Change takes time but it also takes action. 

Here's to changing not by using the power of thought or fantasy but by the gift of action and free will. To see things for what they are and not what I want them to be - this is a mountain that I have yet to climb but this is a journey of a thousand (maybe a million) steps. The only way to go from here on out is up.

Keep climbing!

Keep running! 

Keep crawling! 

Whatever it takes for you to get to the peak 

And when you get there 

Stretch out your hand for those 

Who follow right behind you

"Kids, you can't cling to the past. Because no matter how tightly you hold on, it's already gone." 

Ne Vadas