Seashell / Pearl
Good evening! I hope you've been doing well and that you've been smiling often; smiling is extremely underrated. Another thing that is often overlooked and forgotten is the importance of emotions - positive and negative alike.
When I was younger, particularly during my pin-rolling and combover phase, I struggled with my feelings and inward yearnings. Playing someone better than me at basketball or watching someone play guitar better than I ever could brought about envy. I would compare myself to them and diminish my own abilities, leading to a mindset of stagnation and not progression. I would daydream about breaking their ankles with a nice crossover move or in the music case, pulling out an impressive riff to catch them off guard. The feelings of inadequacy pulled me into a deeper hole and made it even more difficult to appreciate the person I was.
Catching feelings for someone is difficult. And when you're an emotionally insecure boy still yet to experience true, authentic love; it's impossible to not face feelings of jealousy and undermine one's own character. For example, when I was in grade 7, and I'd see my crush talking and laughing with another boy, I couldn't help but want to intervene and get her talking to me. It's embarrassing to admit but it's true! I really had no clue how to handle my feelings and desires. Another situation could be watching a friend slowly drift away and refusing to let them go without some sort of reasonable explanation. But it's 2019 now and this action has actually been defined! It's called ghosting - cutting off all communication with someone so as to avoid any kind of contact with them.
This is a prime example of people who struggle with facing their emotions and furthermore, refuse to acknowledge its presence in their daily life.
In the last 3 years, I've encountered my fair share of mountains, valleys, and roadblocks. Whether it be with school, service, feelings for someone else, family or friends, I've learned that these emotions actually help us get over the hill, they help us grow.
Whenever I would feel envious over someone's appearance, talents, or possessions, I'd simply ask myself if it was really worth all the energy. All the money spent on clothes or shoes I didn't even enjoy wearing. Or listening to songs that lacked the profoundness and sentimentality of music that I admire. Rap songs are cool and all for parties and debuts but when I was in grade 9, I'd listen to it because all of my friends would. And I genuinely tried to like it as much as they did but it simply didn't happen. (Being an avid bus user, I tend to listen to pieces in the indie, jazz and alternative genres)
My insecurities will always be a part of me but they do not define the person I am.
The same thing can be said about my emotions, which although may range from simmering anger to bursting joy, are essential to learning from my past and looking forward with hope to the future.
I've learned that when I feel insecure about something, it is because I refuse to face the emotion behind it. For example, changing my outfit 5 times could mean that I feel ungrateful for my possessions and that I place too much value on materialistic things; worrying about how others will see me and therefore, judge me. Maybe not posting pictures on Instagram or not writing a blog post, fearful of the final product which others may see as, "not enough."
But these emotions are not monsters. They are not here to rob your happiness and steal the smile that you only seem to wear on days with clear skies and 22 degree weather. They all have names. Names such as Fear, Doubt, Sadness, Regret. But also names like Joy, Victorious, Satisfied, Inspired.
You live in a two storey home; organized into rooms of your fondest memories and stored with hidden cabinets of your past failures and struggles.
The names that I just listed will come by from time to time, some more often than others.
They will visit but they will not stay.
Don't use the lock of insecurity on your front door because they will only keep knocking; knocking until you let them in. Don't make it even harder for yourself.
Open the door, greet them and invite them in for a coffee and some eggs; they just want to talk.
Once you've had your discussion and they've taken all the time they needed - lead them out the door and say, "See you around!"
Our emotions will come and go but they will never stay. It's better to let them come as they are, raw and real. Remember always that your vulnerable self is your true self.
Keep the door open.
Let them come, let them go.
(I wish you all the emotional integrity in this beautiful yet sometimes silly world)
AMDG
When I was younger, particularly during my pin-rolling and combover phase, I struggled with my feelings and inward yearnings. Playing someone better than me at basketball or watching someone play guitar better than I ever could brought about envy. I would compare myself to them and diminish my own abilities, leading to a mindset of stagnation and not progression. I would daydream about breaking their ankles with a nice crossover move or in the music case, pulling out an impressive riff to catch them off guard. The feelings of inadequacy pulled me into a deeper hole and made it even more difficult to appreciate the person I was.
Catching feelings for someone is difficult. And when you're an emotionally insecure boy still yet to experience true, authentic love; it's impossible to not face feelings of jealousy and undermine one's own character. For example, when I was in grade 7, and I'd see my crush talking and laughing with another boy, I couldn't help but want to intervene and get her talking to me. It's embarrassing to admit but it's true! I really had no clue how to handle my feelings and desires. Another situation could be watching a friend slowly drift away and refusing to let them go without some sort of reasonable explanation. But it's 2019 now and this action has actually been defined! It's called ghosting - cutting off all communication with someone so as to avoid any kind of contact with them.This is a prime example of people who struggle with facing their emotions and furthermore, refuse to acknowledge its presence in their daily life.
In the last 3 years, I've encountered my fair share of mountains, valleys, and roadblocks. Whether it be with school, service, feelings for someone else, family or friends, I've learned that these emotions actually help us get over the hill, they help us grow.
Whenever I would feel envious over someone's appearance, talents, or possessions, I'd simply ask myself if it was really worth all the energy. All the money spent on clothes or shoes I didn't even enjoy wearing. Or listening to songs that lacked the profoundness and sentimentality of music that I admire. Rap songs are cool and all for parties and debuts but when I was in grade 9, I'd listen to it because all of my friends would. And I genuinely tried to like it as much as they did but it simply didn't happen. (Being an avid bus user, I tend to listen to pieces in the indie, jazz and alternative genres)
My insecurities will always be a part of me but they do not define the person I am.
The same thing can be said about my emotions, which although may range from simmering anger to bursting joy, are essential to learning from my past and looking forward with hope to the future.
I've learned that when I feel insecure about something, it is because I refuse to face the emotion behind it. For example, changing my outfit 5 times could mean that I feel ungrateful for my possessions and that I place too much value on materialistic things; worrying about how others will see me and therefore, judge me. Maybe not posting pictures on Instagram or not writing a blog post, fearful of the final product which others may see as, "not enough."
But these emotions are not monsters. They are not here to rob your happiness and steal the smile that you only seem to wear on days with clear skies and 22 degree weather. They all have names. Names such as Fear, Doubt, Sadness, Regret. But also names like Joy, Victorious, Satisfied, Inspired.
You live in a two storey home; organized into rooms of your fondest memories and stored with hidden cabinets of your past failures and struggles.
The names that I just listed will come by from time to time, some more often than others.
They will visit but they will not stay.
Don't use the lock of insecurity on your front door because they will only keep knocking; knocking until you let them in. Don't make it even harder for yourself.
Open the door, greet them and invite them in for a coffee and some eggs; they just want to talk.
Once you've had your discussion and they've taken all the time they needed - lead them out the door and say, "See you around!"
Our emotions will come and go but they will never stay. It's better to let them come as they are, raw and real. Remember always that your vulnerable self is your true self.
Keep the door open.
Let them come, let them go.
(I wish you all the emotional integrity in this beautiful yet sometimes silly world)
AMDG
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