Strawberry

Dear friend, 

        It's half an hour past midnight and I'm feeling both sad and distant. Nothing terrible happened, I just feel this way. It is confusing and unsettling all at once but I figured I'd write for as long as I hold onto these heavy things. I'm certain that they'll lighten once I sleep and wake up tomorrow. As someone once wrote, "I don't pay attention to the world ending. It has ended for me many times and began again in the morning," perhaps this is one of those times. 

        I had a truly wonderful day today. I ate cereal for breakfast and had an incredibly refreshing shower, I wore clothes that made me feel nice and listened to songs that I enjoyed. I got a ride to my workplace from my dad, rather than bussing there. Afterwards, I was able to sit inside the nearby Wendy's where I'd meet up a friend of mine who I hold very dear to my heart. We talked and laughed and were present in each other's presence. We drank strawberry milk. They were in a package that I brought from a market that was close, my other friend was working at the time when I visited. She had an hour left in her shift. After we took sips of our strawberry milk and discussed the insignificance of bananas, I walked her to her car and she drove away. 

       I walked around the neighbourhood and to a school where I used to play basketball in the summer with my childhood friends, that was about half a decade ago. I took some pictures on my film camera so that I could finish the roll, then I bussed to the mall and got them developed. The man behind the counter was very outspoken and confident, his coworker was shy and had long hair that draped over her shoulders. They said they'd get the photos back to me by the end of the day and they did, some of them are very pretty. After getting my film developed, I walked to the bus stop and commuted to my friend's house. 

       We talked on the phone prior and he wasn't as cynical as he usually is, this is not a bad thing. He just values his time alone and I admire him for that. When I got to his house, I gave him some leftover strawberry milk that he drank in fifteen seconds, he said that he really enjoyed it and would probably buy some of his own in the future. He did say it was a bit overpriced. We sat in his living room and I played Beatles' songs on his piano, Yesterday, Let It Be, All My Life, Hey Jude, and a terrible rendition of Strawberry Fields Forever, I don't think he knew the song. 

        I believe that strawberry is the word for today, it's just come up so many times. 

       My other friend came to his house also and we drove forty minutes to get to this restaurant that served rice bowls and chicken, they were very tasty for the price; not too expensive at all. My friend paid for me and I'm thankful for that. We visited a dessert place after and got cotton candy treats, reminiscent of bingsoo, if you've ever eaten that. The place began to get busy so we left and drove home, the car ride filled with our voices singing and rapping along to the tunes that my friend selected. 

       Throughout all of this I was also in a a meeting on my phone, it was a fairly important gathering and I found out about it an hour before it began. Immediately I felt guilty, but they'd invited the wrong account to the event and I didn't have any control over that so maybe I shouldn't feel too bad for myself. Not every perfect day is perfect, some are more perfect, some less; they both have the same number of hours. 

       Today I was able to catch up with my friend and talk to her face to face, I developed some film and got dinner and dessert with people whom I consider my brothers. They'd be sad if they knew how I felt right now and I don't want to make them feel that way. Perhaps I will disappear and separate for the next few days or so and just write, write about them, write about myself, write about you; maybe that will make them happy. And in the process of doing so, I'll feel better because I know that they are, too. 

   Love always,

Rave

Fairbanks Alaska, Neila, 2020