Tawo

Dear friend, 

      School is starting next week and I'm not quite sure what to expect. It'll be online for this whole year so I won't have to spend four hours commuting there and back which is super great! I now have twelve extra hours each week. I'm also going back to work and for some odd reason, I told my manager I could work four days a week. She has no idea that I'm taking four classes on top of those shifts but that's okay. 

     There's quite a few things coming up and I'm feeling both nervous and excited and I'm still trying to figure out how that could be. I just hope my classmates don't say anything about my room. It's a work in progress. 

      Just like the novel that I've been 'trying' to work on these past few months. I gave a partial manuscript to my friend but she hasn't said anything about it yet. I'm not sure she ever will. One of the stories was inspired by her and I'm curious to know if she recognized it. If she did, I'd be slightly embarrassed but that's only because she probably never thought I'd write a story of her until I did. So I'm hoping that all turns out well. 

     Do you know how hard it is to write a novel? I searched it up and the average word count for most novels is fifty thousand! I've struggled and fought to get to ten thousand. You'd think it'd be a dramatic business, writing sentences and crafting plots while at the same time integrating a greater theme underneath it all, but it's just plain hard work. Someone could have all the talent in the world but if they aren't motivated to get to five thousand or seven thousand words then they'll never reach fifty thousand, and never write a novel. That's why I'm not all too worried about how long it takes me to finish. 

      I used to be though. At the beginning of the summer, I was adamant about completing this project by the end of August; just in time for the two-year anniversary of my blog. But life gets in the way and your manager gives you more work to do and your family takes you to another province to visit your cousins and your novel remains unwritten. I guess the more you avoid the task at hand, the less inclined you feel to complete that task. I even set an alarm for exactly half past ten every night dedicated to simply writing or even just editing my work. I think I've ignored it for the past few weeks now. So instead of returning to the world of my characters and ambitions, I've been returning to you. 

      I've also been reading more since my dad got me a new bookshelf and told me to fill it with all the books that I have and make space for the ones I don't have. Maybe one day I'll have my own book up there too, right beside all of my favourites. In the meantime, I'll be listening to music. 

     There's this one song called "Tawo" by Jordan Rakei and I think it's one of the best songs there is. According to the internet, 'Tawo' means human. And I think that's a really great fit for the song because everything about it from the lyrics to the soft piano make me feel like everything I am and nothing else. I can sit back in my chair or lie down on the carpet floor with my eyes closed and I'll see all that I have done and yet to do. 

        I can see myself driving on the road for the first time after getting my license with the windows down and this song playing from the radio. 

       I can see myself at my first real job and writing another novel on the side, coming home from a long shift and immediately heading to my desk to work again. 

        I can see myself content wherever I am and whomever I'm with because I know that I am me and that is more than enough. It'll always be more than enough. At least that's what I try to tell myself from time to time. 

       I'd have this song on repeat for the rest of the day but there more songs waiting to be discovered and listened to. Although something may be good now, there may be something even greater down the road. I hope there is. 

         And I hope you feel the same way too. 

Leave it all behind,

Rave

Rose, Carey Leo, 2018