Honeybee

Dear friend, 

      I'm having a difficult time dwelling on a person that I shouldn't be dwelling on. I get all sad and mopey and it's just no good. But it seems that I don't know any better. I've been feeling better lately, even though school has started again and work continues to be a priority, I haven't gotten to write much because I've been trying to read. It seems that I'm trying to distract myself from what really matters but I'm not quite sure what really matters anymore. I'd drink these feelings away or inhale all of the things I'm too scared to say but I'm sure they'll find their way out one way or another. 

    There are really beautiful people in this world and I am so glad to know some of them. I want to tell them that they are wonderful and their presence makes me want to jump out of my seat from joy but I guess I don't have the guts to do so. And that's why I'm writing tonight and not sleeping or reading. It's been more than a year since I fell in love and I think I'm falling again. 

     It's scary to feel weightless, to have so much freedom and space that you feel you could land anywhere you wanted except the place where you need to be. Maybe where I am right now is exactly where I need to be. It doesn't seem like it but I'll try to believe it. 

     There's someone waiting for me down that dark tunnel and they're stretching their hand out to me. I can see them moving their hand, motioning for me to take a step forward into the dark, into the uncertainty. Soon enough, I feel their touch against mine; as I am pulled into the light and enter all that I've dreamt of and hoped for. There is much work to be done but there is so much more love to be felt and life to be lived. That includes telling the people you love that you love them and calling your friends beautiful when you think they're beautiful; it's really all in the simple things. 

     This past year has been anything but simple so, I'm excited to see where it all leads. I remain assured that there are far better things ahead than anything I've left behind, I'm holding onto that and I hope you are too. If you're feeling how I feel tonight or even if you don't, please try your best to remember that you are not a sum of your past mistakes and regrets. 

      You are who you are right now and that is enough. It always will be. And if you don't believe that then I will believe that for you. 

       I hope you can do the same for me. 

   Take care,

Rave

Juhae Haam, 2020