Hello World (I'm Catholic)
Hi! It's been a crazy past few days and all in all, I am exhausted but blessed all the same. I find it difficult to just write about me without any direction or purpose but why not? If you don't want to read about me just going through my daily struggles and victories in my faith, you can stop reading now but have a wonderful day!
Okay, cool.
Being a Catholic is hard. To be honest, just having religious beliefs is extremely challenging in the secular, pleasure-driven society we live in today. As technology advances, traditional values are more often than not, ridiculed and questioned. This makes it difficult for
youth such as I to live out our faith and beliefs when so many of the people on social media firmly believe in the contrary. Saints such as Peter and Paul dealt with barrages of stones and insults, while aspiring saints to-be today deal with flurries of indirect messages and conflicting news reports that work to detriment the already shrinking faith of Catholic youth all around the world. But maybe it's just me. The youth represent the future of this world yet it seems that we struggle with the most internal problems that constantly seek to demolish our self-confidence and destroy our minds. Social media is a platform for these demons to prowl about the world, seeking the ruin of souls. Twitter, Instagram, Youtube, all are meant to connect us but it seems that they only bring out more insecurities, more jealousy, more violence.
I struggle with anxiety. Although not evident and not diagnosed, it is what I label the feeling of utter helplessness in the midst of my struggles and sins. Whether it is in the form of not being able to sleep until 3 am or having no appetite whatsoever for dinner; it is present. Throughout this year, I have on occasion also caught myself frozen in the moment, so deep into my thoughts that the ocean of doubts crashes over me. When I was in Ontario for example, I could not stop myself from thinking about my schoolwork and my friends back home. Or the classic, lying down on my bed at 1 am pondering my feelings and desires swirling in my fragile heart. Simply staying there for 2 or 3 hours, not doing anything at all. When I walk home from school, seeking isolation and seclusion rather than going to Starbucks with my friends to study or to seek company in whatever form it may be. Being the person I am, I can say that it is difficult for me to fully invest in others. It may be my fear of rejection or my even deeper fear of losing that part of myself in which I give. Whether it be my time or my love, it is hard for me to give. Ironically, this reluctancy for me to sacrifice only makes the emptiness more profound and defined.
Being at home, sitting down on the couch with 27 tabs opened trying to finish 3 projects and 2 assignments only to spend 3 hours doing absolutely nothing is for a lack of a better word, discouraging. Knowing full well I could have been in the presence of my friends or people who share the same struggles I have, or bear the same burdens that I bear. I guess it's safe to say that I am being selfish and prideful when I purposefully avoid connection and the people around me. Whenever I choose to go to the chapel by myself rather than the cafeteria to talk to my friends, asking them how their weekend went. Slowly but surely I know that the Lord is calling me to break down my walls and allow people to love me.
The realization that one is loved is just as important as having the ability to love.
Too often people love and love and love without recognizing that they are first loved themselves. That while they pray for this one person, someone else is praying for them at the same time. When one cares, they too must know that they are cared for.
I love my family but it has only been recently that I am seeing their love towards me as well. Whenever my sister makes a remark like, "Why do you look so sad?" or "Do you miss her kuya?", I try not be as annoyed and closed off as I used to be, rather answering their question and trying to spark a discussion. To be completely honest, I have not been showing my sisters the care and love that I should show as a big brother. Yet, they are still here begging me to come home rather than eat out with friends, helping me out with skincare whenever a pimple pops or even just curling my hair for a special occasion or outing. They've loved me all throughout despite my lack of absence and intimacy towards them. I am trying to mend this rift and see them as friends rather than just siblings.
This knowledge of being loved starts and ends with the cross in which Jesus died on; for the sake my sins, your sins, and the sins of all who've lived, are living and will live. His sacrifice is what has kept me in the Church and firm in my beliefs despite my insecurities, my anxiety and my fear to give. It is comforting to know that I am not alone and I never have been. He is just one call, one invite, one word away from being right here next to me. A recurring theme in my blog posts is that He is always here, always has been and always will be.
I am saved because of it and if you are seeking the peace that your heart so desperately desires, simply ask him and let him in,
The Alpha and the Omega
The Beginning and the End
In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit,
Amen.
AMDG
Okay, cool.
Being a Catholic is hard. To be honest, just having religious beliefs is extremely challenging in the secular, pleasure-driven society we live in today. As technology advances, traditional values are more often than not, ridiculed and questioned. This makes it difficult for
I struggle with anxiety. Although not evident and not diagnosed, it is what I label the feeling of utter helplessness in the midst of my struggles and sins. Whether it is in the form of not being able to sleep until 3 am or having no appetite whatsoever for dinner; it is present. Throughout this year, I have on occasion also caught myself frozen in the moment, so deep into my thoughts that the ocean of doubts crashes over me. When I was in Ontario for example, I could not stop myself from thinking about my schoolwork and my friends back home. Or the classic, lying down on my bed at 1 am pondering my feelings and desires swirling in my fragile heart. Simply staying there for 2 or 3 hours, not doing anything at all. When I walk home from school, seeking isolation and seclusion rather than going to Starbucks with my friends to study or to seek company in whatever form it may be. Being the person I am, I can say that it is difficult for me to fully invest in others. It may be my fear of rejection or my even deeper fear of losing that part of myself in which I give. Whether it be my time or my love, it is hard for me to give. Ironically, this reluctancy for me to sacrifice only makes the emptiness more profound and defined.
Being at home, sitting down on the couch with 27 tabs opened trying to finish 3 projects and 2 assignments only to spend 3 hours doing absolutely nothing is for a lack of a better word, discouraging. Knowing full well I could have been in the presence of my friends or people who share the same struggles I have, or bear the same burdens that I bear. I guess it's safe to say that I am being selfish and prideful when I purposefully avoid connection and the people around me. Whenever I choose to go to the chapel by myself rather than the cafeteria to talk to my friends, asking them how their weekend went. Slowly but surely I know that the Lord is calling me to break down my walls and allow people to love me.
The realization that one is loved is just as important as having the ability to love.
Too often people love and love and love without recognizing that they are first loved themselves. That while they pray for this one person, someone else is praying for them at the same time. When one cares, they too must know that they are cared for.
I love my family but it has only been recently that I am seeing their love towards me as well. Whenever my sister makes a remark like, "Why do you look so sad?" or "Do you miss her kuya?", I try not be as annoyed and closed off as I used to be, rather answering their question and trying to spark a discussion. To be completely honest, I have not been showing my sisters the care and love that I should show as a big brother. Yet, they are still here begging me to come home rather than eat out with friends, helping me out with skincare whenever a pimple pops or even just curling my hair for a special occasion or outing. They've loved me all throughout despite my lack of absence and intimacy towards them. I am trying to mend this rift and see them as friends rather than just siblings.
This knowledge of being loved starts and ends with the cross in which Jesus died on; for the sake my sins, your sins, and the sins of all who've lived, are living and will live. His sacrifice is what has kept me in the Church and firm in my beliefs despite my insecurities, my anxiety and my fear to give. It is comforting to know that I am not alone and I never have been. He is just one call, one invite, one word away from being right here next to me. A recurring theme in my blog posts is that He is always here, always has been and always will be.
I am saved because of it and if you are seeking the peace that your heart so desperately desires, simply ask him and let him in,
The Alpha and the Omega
The Beginning and the End
In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit,
Amen.
AMDG
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