Iridescence
Good evening! To say I am tired would be a massive understatement. But for some reason, I feel the need to write so here I am. There's really not much to go on but I'll get right to it.
It is hard to find an identity.
I've been trying for the last 3 years to truly discover the person I am, what I like, what I hate, what I'm passionate about, what I struggle with, and it's been a maze filled with twists and turns; never really feeling absolutely comfortable or secure.
Was I a basketball player?
After getting benched for my whole grade 10 year, I was pretty confident that I wasn't.
Was I a future doctor or nurse?
70 in Chemistry 11, 74 in Pre-Cal 11.
Would I ever find my way to a sustainable, Christ-centered relationship?
Still processing.
Would I ever be able to get over my physical imperfections?
No braces (yet) and still as slim as I was in grade 8 but it's okay! No one's perfect.
Was I happy?
How does one even define happiness? I've felt incredibly blessed and joyful before but throughout the last 3 years if there's one thing I've learned, it is that consistent happiness is impossible to obtain.
Lurking around the corner of life is always disappointment, and followed right after by regret and uncertainty. Not knowing where you're headed despite being so sure that you had it all figured out; only to be left ruined all the same.
The pieces of my heart lay scattered amongst my failed goals, personal vices, immovable doubt and my evident fear of the future; they are still there.
For 3 years, I've been trying to pick them back up and piece them together but from time to time, I get hurt. And that's okay because I know that I am growing. I know that from this wreckage will come a newer, more improved version of who I once was. A more patient, loving, kind boy who lives not to please those around him but the One who holds his life in His hand.
It's easy to forget yourself in the midst of your own insecurity and desire to be loved by someone.
However it is essential to know who you are, and to own who you are. The victories, the sufferings, the burdens, the imperfections, the talents, all of it.
The people you love deserve you at your very best and unlike what society proclaims, your very best is your truest self. If people reject you and ridicule you, so be it. I've been made fun enough because of my crooked teeth but that's not gonna stop me from smiling. Wearing big shirts that make me look like a stick man isn't going to stop me from wearing what I want. Writing about my life, in all of it's lightest and darkest colours; regardless of what people may think or say.
The world deserves you at your best and your best isn't perfect.
Your best is you.
Flaws and weaknesses,
Cracks and crevices.
Because at least there is still something there.
Someone will see it,
And I hope you will too.
AMDG
It is hard to find an identity.
I've been trying for the last 3 years to truly discover the person I am, what I like, what I hate, what I'm passionate about, what I struggle with, and it's been a maze filled with twists and turns; never really feeling absolutely comfortable or secure.Was I a basketball player?
After getting benched for my whole grade 10 year, I was pretty confident that I wasn't.
Was I a future doctor or nurse?
70 in Chemistry 11, 74 in Pre-Cal 11.
Would I ever find my way to a sustainable, Christ-centered relationship?
Still processing.
Would I ever be able to get over my physical imperfections?
No braces (yet) and still as slim as I was in grade 8 but it's okay! No one's perfect.
Was I happy?
How does one even define happiness? I've felt incredibly blessed and joyful before but throughout the last 3 years if there's one thing I've learned, it is that consistent happiness is impossible to obtain.
Lurking around the corner of life is always disappointment, and followed right after by regret and uncertainty. Not knowing where you're headed despite being so sure that you had it all figured out; only to be left ruined all the same.
The pieces of my heart lay scattered amongst my failed goals, personal vices, immovable doubt and my evident fear of the future; they are still there.
For 3 years, I've been trying to pick them back up and piece them together but from time to time, I get hurt. And that's okay because I know that I am growing. I know that from this wreckage will come a newer, more improved version of who I once was. A more patient, loving, kind boy who lives not to please those around him but the One who holds his life in His hand.
It's easy to forget yourself in the midst of your own insecurity and desire to be loved by someone.
However it is essential to know who you are, and to own who you are. The victories, the sufferings, the burdens, the imperfections, the talents, all of it.
The people you love deserve you at your very best and unlike what society proclaims, your very best is your truest self. If people reject you and ridicule you, so be it. I've been made fun enough because of my crooked teeth but that's not gonna stop me from smiling. Wearing big shirts that make me look like a stick man isn't going to stop me from wearing what I want. Writing about my life, in all of it's lightest and darkest colours; regardless of what people may think or say.
The world deserves you at your best and your best isn't perfect.
Your best is you.
Flaws and weaknesses,
Cracks and crevices.
Because at least there is still something there.
Someone will see it,
And I hope you will too.
AMDG
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