Peace Be With You
Hi there! It's a beautiful, sunny Sunday afternoon and it feels like the perfect time to write another blog. Today, I wanted to talk about peace. It was the main topic of the Gospel today and also Father Junji's homily, who by the way, is a really, really good singer.
I struggle with my identity. It's been much better as of lately but there are still those moments where my confidence and self-esteem waver in the face of difficult and challenging situations. For example, when I walk into a room full of strangers, I tend to keep my head low and avoid eye contact; just because I know I am probably going to react awkwardly and completely set off the wrong impression. To be completely honest and real with you, this frequently happens when I am in the presence of people who are well-known, popular, and beautiful. People who in the eyes of the world, are perfect. And then there's me - the tall, slim out of place filipino boy usually standing in the corner, observing my environment. I am a relatively quiet person but it doesn't mean I don't have things to say.
This feeling of discomfort and separation is for a lack of a better word, terrible. Not knowing who you are and what you are doing can be so tiring and discouraging. When I was younger, I was incredibly insecure about my physical appearance. Why couldn't I be a little thicker (okay don't laugh) or have a rich, soothing voice? Instead of the cracking, pre-pubescent voice that I unfortunately lived with and still live with. I wanted to be the image of someone who was handsome, smart and simply, flawless. Maybe then I thought, people would like me and want to talk to me. I struggled with this for quite some time, wandering in the mist of insecurity and lack of personal identity, I didn't know what made me - me.
Thank you to the Catholic Church.
To CFC-Youth.
To Camp Exalted.
To the Saint Matthew's Youth Ministry.
To adoration. To confession.
To my family. To my friends.
And to my Jesus.
Trying to live without knowing who you are is incredibly draining and tiresome; particularly when you are growing up and just want to be happy, comfortable. If it weren't for my faith, I fear that I would be in a place where I would be stagnant for the rest of my life. A place found in the secular world and its pleasures. A place where I know I do not belong.
I belong in the arms of my saviour and best friend, Jesus Christ. He has constantly been there for me, in whatever situation, in whatever state I find myself in. Whether it is in the grandeur of Chandos Pattison Auditorium for RYCON or the stillness of the adoration chapel at OLGC; He is always present.
When I didn't know who I was, He told me that I was His son.
When I couldn't find my way through the world, He told me that He was the way.
When I didn't feel needed or accepted, He let me know that I was infinitely loved and cared for by Him.
When we are ignorant and prideful, it is not difficult to forget Jesus, but remember that it is impossible to make Him forget about us.
I forgot about Him when I was trying so hard to impress people around me who didn't even genuinely love me or care for me. I forgot about Him when I turned to isolation rather than seeking the company of my family, my friends. But trust me when I tell you, He has never not come back to the door of my heart, knocking and inviting me to let Him in. You see, he didn't force me to go to mass, or to events such as collectives, chapter assemblies and pastorals; He invited me through the kind smile of my household head or in the gentle voice of a friend. He doesn't force us to love Him because if He did, it wouldn't be love. He wants us to be at peace.
I am at peace writing about this because I know I am writing to The One who gave me this gift, this chance to show you my experiences and feelings. Peace is something we all need, especially when the world tries so hard to tear us apart. It is through Him that we find a peace that lasts, a sustaining happiness and joy.
It is in found the hollow caverns of your home parish, on a quiet, Friday morning 30 minutes before daily mass.
It is found the silence of the confessional, moments before you greet the priest and receive His unspoken mercy.
It is found in the brilliance of the Eucharist during Adoration, staring into your soul, saying in a quiet voice,
"My peace is here for you and it always will be. It is a gift I want to give to you. Will you accept it?"
AMDG
I struggle with my identity. It's been much better as of lately but there are still those moments where my confidence and self-esteem waver in the face of difficult and challenging situations. For example, when I walk into a room full of strangers, I tend to keep my head low and avoid eye contact; just because I know I am probably going to react awkwardly and completely set off the wrong impression. To be completely honest and real with you, this frequently happens when I am in the presence of people who are well-known, popular, and beautiful. People who in the eyes of the world, are perfect. And then there's me - the tall, slim out of place filipino boy usually standing in the corner, observing my environment. I am a relatively quiet person but it doesn't mean I don't have things to say.This feeling of discomfort and separation is for a lack of a better word, terrible. Not knowing who you are and what you are doing can be so tiring and discouraging. When I was younger, I was incredibly insecure about my physical appearance. Why couldn't I be a little thicker (okay don't laugh) or have a rich, soothing voice? Instead of the cracking, pre-pubescent voice that I unfortunately lived with and still live with. I wanted to be the image of someone who was handsome, smart and simply, flawless. Maybe then I thought, people would like me and want to talk to me. I struggled with this for quite some time, wandering in the mist of insecurity and lack of personal identity, I didn't know what made me - me.
Thank you to the Catholic Church.
To CFC-Youth.
To Camp Exalted.
To the Saint Matthew's Youth Ministry.
To adoration. To confession.
To my family. To my friends.
And to my Jesus.
Trying to live without knowing who you are is incredibly draining and tiresome; particularly when you are growing up and just want to be happy, comfortable. If it weren't for my faith, I fear that I would be in a place where I would be stagnant for the rest of my life. A place found in the secular world and its pleasures. A place where I know I do not belong.
I belong in the arms of my saviour and best friend, Jesus Christ. He has constantly been there for me, in whatever situation, in whatever state I find myself in. Whether it is in the grandeur of Chandos Pattison Auditorium for RYCON or the stillness of the adoration chapel at OLGC; He is always present.
When I didn't know who I was, He told me that I was His son.
When I couldn't find my way through the world, He told me that He was the way.
When I didn't feel needed or accepted, He let me know that I was infinitely loved and cared for by Him.
When we are ignorant and prideful, it is not difficult to forget Jesus, but remember that it is impossible to make Him forget about us.
I forgot about Him when I was trying so hard to impress people around me who didn't even genuinely love me or care for me. I forgot about Him when I turned to isolation rather than seeking the company of my family, my friends. But trust me when I tell you, He has never not come back to the door of my heart, knocking and inviting me to let Him in. You see, he didn't force me to go to mass, or to events such as collectives, chapter assemblies and pastorals; He invited me through the kind smile of my household head or in the gentle voice of a friend. He doesn't force us to love Him because if He did, it wouldn't be love. He wants us to be at peace.
I am at peace writing about this because I know I am writing to The One who gave me this gift, this chance to show you my experiences and feelings. Peace is something we all need, especially when the world tries so hard to tear us apart. It is through Him that we find a peace that lasts, a sustaining happiness and joy.
It is in found the hollow caverns of your home parish, on a quiet, Friday morning 30 minutes before daily mass.
It is found the silence of the confessional, moments before you greet the priest and receive His unspoken mercy.
It is found in the brilliance of the Eucharist during Adoration, staring into your soul, saying in a quiet voice,
"My peace is here for you and it always will be. It is a gift I want to give to you. Will you accept it?"
AMDG
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